Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
