That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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