plz talk dirty to me
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
