the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
as a side note pls kill me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
