Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So many bounce houses so little time
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
NoShamevember. You game?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
