so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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