wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
