You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
