im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
