yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
