McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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