dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
