Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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