wrigley field is MILF paradise
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
