My hair reeks of homosexuality.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
