oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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