you would pick up someone in the library
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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