I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
