I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
