we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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