Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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