I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
