It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
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