Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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