i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
