One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
