Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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