Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
