I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
