You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
