I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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