Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
