omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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