Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
