I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
