Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
