Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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