My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
