I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
