nut hugger
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
