Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
