Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
