he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
