He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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