i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
