apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
