I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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