There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
