Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
