you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
