Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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