and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
